Robin Hornstein, Ph.D.

My To/Do List

I jumped out of bed at 11:30 with another thought that I wanted to add to my list of things to do; this time it was transcribing a poem from scribble to computer file.  Sleep interrupted, my normal trajectory of ideas began to float into my vision, like a three dimensional photo made out of a "lite-brite" I once saw in a DC museum.  Depending on your position it looked like art, lights or nothing, and all views were interesting.  Of course the subject was the naked parents of the artist, this made it even more intriguing for me as a therapist.  But that is another story.  The story I really find compelling is the one about how we organize our organizing and end up lost and forgotten, much like the email that has sunk to last on the list and no longer holds sway.  I am suggesting that we over determine our lives to the point of absurdity, all to be well rounded instead of singularly focused folks.  Specialists are a dying breed while generalists abound when we look at how we lead our lives.  Tonight, after taking my daughter to the mall, I made a new recipe and drove off to show a friend my haircut.  Upon return, I was on-line and then watched "Friends" with my teen and got in bed.  And, my reactive leaving of the comfortable bed was to do.  TO DO.  If I were a specialist, say in poetry or lite-brite art, I would feel as torn when I should be reading a book, magazine and online story, cook dinner, call clients, call friends, write poetry, read email, upload the photos from the party I held on Sunday, do laundry, the list doesn't end.  I  am wondering if I could assign months for each topic, live and breathe it and see what the final result would be and what would fall away.As a matter of fact, that will be my new thing.  I will categorize my todo lists and pick a category each month and see if I write more poems, or finish my work, or try to make strawberry shortcake.  My new motto is :TO DO LESS.  I will let you know how it goes.   

Getting Back to Writing

I find that I get excited and busy with lots of things in my life.  For instance, this blog.  I was determined to write a lot and let people know what I thought about.  Then my daughter had a Bat Mitzvah.  Suddenly all of my time on line had some connection to appetizers and take home gifts.  It was an amazing event but the build up took it's toll.  Meanwhile, I learned a lot recently about how we change in our lives.  I had procrastinated writing and suddenly Women's Day magazine called me (see June 2008, page 14).  Angela Ebron, a writer for the magazine that we all see in the checkout line in the market, called and told me she had read about Opposite Day in my blog and wanted to interview me.  Not only did I find that flattering and exciting, but it felt quite ironic as I hadn't written in forever.  So what is the take away here?  Do things you like and don't judge your timing.  Get back to things or wait until they call you back and lead you somewhere else.  I promise to write more often and to try to share what life lessons show up on my doorstep. 

Opposite Day

It started simply enough, my daughter asked to have dessert first.  Thus began a family tradition of backwards dinners.  Simply stated - eat your sweets, then a main course and salad.  If you have room, add some soup at the end.  A few months later a client told me about opposite day: "go against most of your decisions, do the opposite and see what happens".  She told me this in the context of her eating disorder and  relationship issues and, to both of our surprises, it made one of those tiny changes that started a revolution in her life.

Since that time, I try to apply opposite day in many ways in my life and suggest it to clients as well.  I especially find it helps with my rather strange sense of direction which always points the natural opposite to the place I am headed.  It works with food, friends and lovers as well as work situations.  For instance, if you usually feel anger at someone who is always late, show compassion and see what happens.  Do you usually feel defensive with your mother?  Take her to lunch when you would normally pull away and see what can change.  If you trust yourself to use this in small ways that help you, go ahead, adopt the day as yours and write me if you find out anything about yourself.