When I woke up this morning I began to follow the same routine I always do, nothing unusual. Stretch, stand, bathroom activities, dress and tea. In a break with the daily habits however, I found myself drawn to examine my body, mentally, for something not readily seen, but present somehow in the misty mind. An expiration date. That is all. Just the stamp of my expiration. Lest you think I was being morbid, I was. But, wholly present and aware as well.
Why do we, in developed countries, mark things with the last date of usage? Simple, it reminds us to enjoy or use it up before it is no longer available to us. I found myself jealous of the carton of milk waiting to be flavor for my tea and a bone builder for my body. Jealous of something that lasts for so short a time? Yes. And why? Because if I found this stamp on myself I know I would be more considerate, loving and mindful of what each day held. If I saw this on the ones I love and the strangers I met each day, I would treat them with more expansive love and hold their lives in a more precious manner.
Maybe it is poor taste to admit I am less mindful without this stamp, but it is true. And I am well aware that if I had this deadline, so to speak, I would fret over it and try to change it with better self care than my daily life generally affords me. But today I am acting as if I found this date. I lovingly got my daughter off to school and took a run. I listened to songs I selected on my I-pod and breathed in the air as I stepped quickly through my neighborhood. I said hello to people at the bus stop and smiled at people who let me pass in front of their cars. I was happy and self focused.
However, John O' Donohue, a wonderful man, poet, writer, ex-clergy and deceased mindfulness practitioner showed up randomly on my music selection. It was a piece from his spoken word CD on Beauty. His Irish lilt always rivets my attention and his words challenge me and make me smile. He asked a simple question about our relationship to the earth; does the earth love us and miss us when we are gone? He had much to say about the earth caring for us as much as we love our chance to be earth bound for our lives. I liked his idea, once again as I usually do, that we can be loved and missed by the place we are not usually wanting to exit.
This led me to think more deeply about my need to know when I will die in order to treat myself with the love I deserve, and the need to know when this is true for others. What about when the earth dies? Do I treat my planet with a mutual love and respect or continue to treat it with the arrogance of youth that says, never mind, the next person will take that step or precaution. In all, my mental meanderings lead me back to my urgency to be kind, loving and respectful today and tomorrow, to myself and others.
If you are reading this and in struggle with some imperfection in yourself that you think changing will bring you a light and shiny soul, I hope you reconsider. The perfect you is the you right now and the goal is to treat yourself with the food, rest, love, and consideration that everyone else deserves. Especially for those of you reading in struggle with depression or an eating disorder, I say this: find your self as if that self was a delightful present and co-exist with the person, the full person, you can be. Find the good in the relationship to self, others, and earth and maybe today will feel like the gift it certainly can be. Until next time.
